Date of excursion: 09.12.09
Hunger chords were a-rumblin’ and a-tumblin’, and the Gang had only one thing in mind: falafel.
Psyche! It was cupcakes.
And the Lords of Cupcakery bestowed on us a new, close-by location with which to feast our mouths upon — a little-known gem called Tonnie’s Minis.
“Minis?!” Vanilla growled.
But, as we soon discovered, these Minis were not so mini after all (leading us to wonder: what would the Jolly Green Giant look like at Tonnie’s?).
Our first decision was whether or not we wanted Hollywood-themed cupcakes. What did this even mean?!
“We’re out of Hollywood cupcakes. Some NYU kids just came in and bought the last of them,” said Amicable* Associate.
(A potential second Cupcake Gang?! Curse you, NYU! [And see you in class on Monday!])
We got our pickers out and began a-pickin’ from the ripe and luscious crop before us. And soon enough, it was time to scarf and swill like nobody’s business.
First up, Chocolate Vanilla (chocolate base, vanilla frosting).
This may have been the easiest cut in Cupcake Gang History!** Plates, knives, salt and pepper… Well, needless to say, Mother Nature was pleased that night.
Presentation-wise, these cupcakes almost looked storebought, but taste-wise, they could have bought the store themselves! Or at least a farm.
“The vanilla complements the chocolate cake so well,” Choco-Choco Chip noted. “Unlike other Vanillas we know.”
“Freakin’ good!” Vanilla squealed, unable to take the hint.
“Amazing,” was the general consensus on this dark chocolate cake batter.
Next up, Lemon. (Did someone say “child support”, Lemon Meringue?)
With a yellowy tint that could only represent that classic lemon taste, we began to engorge ourselves.
A little to the left, oh yeah, that’s it. Now pose like you’re waiting for a bus.***
A very sweet little cupcake. Literally. Not necessarily personality-wise. (We didn’t get much time for small-talk.)
“It tastes like an Amy’s Christmas spongecake with the lemon icing, only better.”
“The chunks of lemon zest. They’re singin’ to me.”
“It’s like drinkin’ Mama’s Lemonade. Country Time, not that Minute Maid bullsh–”
— Whoa, there!
Next up: Chocolate Chocolate (chocolate base, chocolate frosting).
This cupcake looked like a black tie event, and cut like a bloomin’ onion — both qualities of which the Gang reveres.
“Very smooth icing.”
“It condenses in your mouth.”
“It’s so moist, that I’m not even thirsty,” Cappuccino Swirl jived.
“Does this taste so good just because I’m hungry now?” Choco-Choco Chip wondered.
“No!” Vanilla foamed.
Next up: Marble! (vanilla AND chocolate base, chocolate frosting)
“This is messy chic.”
“Such rich frosting!”
“It has a certain lemony sourness…”
“You mean, ‘acid?'” Gail Simmons probably chimed in.
So, it seemed that this cupcake represented fashion-forwardness and high levels of eatability — but let us not forget that, above everything else, this cupcake made a great deal of personal sacrifice in order to honorably unify two flavors previously engaged in murderous conflict. Caught up in the swell of emotions, Vanilla and Choco-Choco Chip decided to call a truce. (And then Vanilla fell asleep, briefly.)****
And, finally: Coconut (vanilla base, vanilla frosting, shredded coconut topping).
“Oh, wow. The icing is melty,” Cappuccino Swirl said.
“It has a lemon taste,” Lemon Meringue bragged.
(We get it, Lemon Meringue.)
“I want more…” Vanilla fumed. We all did. “Is that a beagle outside?” Vanilla continued.
Amazing! What surprisingly moist cake we found in all of our tastings that night, despite having arrived at the end of the day! Eight thumbs way up, Tonnie’s.
Probably three or two laughs.
And one satisfying evening with not-so-mini Minis from Tonnie’s.
*Can we please talk for a second about how amiable and amicable only differ by one letter, but they mean the same thing?
**A hulking, cumbersome tome dating back to the late 14th century.
***The Cupcake Gang is an avid anti-advocate of Lemon Meringue’s camera, as well as Ashton Kutcher.
****Look for V56.028.003 during your next course registration term — we’ll be teaching a seminar on Poly-Cakes.
120 W 3rd St. (Mac Dougal St. and W 3rd St.)
Average Cost: 4 for $8.50