Rocco’s Pastry Shop and Espresso Cafe.

Date of excursion: 10.20.09

Ghouls, goblins, gremlins, and gout! That’s what the month of October is about!

… That, and cupcakes.

And what a beautiful fall evening Zeus had bestowed upon us. And so we set sail for Rocco’s*, in hopes of making the most of the blessed weather.**

Upon successful traversing*** of the New York streets, we found a place to sit with our cupcake selections. And we even saw an Andy Garcia look-a-like along the way!****

“These cupcakes do not look worth the money,” someone noted immediately. Ouch!

First up: Vanilla-Vanilla (vanilla base, vanilla frosting)

“This cake is quite lemon-y,” Lemon Meringue noted.

(WE GET IT, MERINGUE. PUT YOUR MIRROR DOWN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.)

But it was true. A “vanilla”-vanilla, indeed, Rocco’s! Perhaps you should brush up on your binomial nomenclature before you stand amidst the fire of the notorious milk-curdling Cupcake Gang!

Although, we do admit, this vanilla base had a nice Angel-food consistency (if you’re sick of Demons-food, we suppose).

Next up: Chocolate-Vanilla (chocolate base, vanilla icing)

(It’s time we shared a little secret with you, the cupcake-craving community. What do you do if you are trying to cut a cupcake (perhaps into fourths), and have no knife at your disposal? Using a simple plastic fork technique will make a curved edge, giving some of your cupcake brethren a larger piece.

So, we have devised a technique, the origin of which dates back to the days of Euclidean geometry and Nanopets: the quadruple-cut yin-yang*****. Just cut halfway into your cupcake with the curve of the fork facing one direction [dir#1], and cut the other half with the curve facing the opposite way [dir#2]. For cutting into fourths, then proceed to cut your current pieces using this same method, only cutting with dir#2 on your dir#1 piece, and dir#1 on your dir#2 piece. Get it?! Harmony!)

Whoa-hoa-hoa! What did we have inside this little rascal? Surprise chocolate mousse filling?! Rocco’s, you just went up a notch in our book.******

“What horrible filling-placement!” we noted. Indeed, this delightful dark chocolate mousse center was not evenly distributed within the cupcake. For sooth!

Third up: Vanilla-Chocolate (vanilla base, chocolate icing)

“Thick, ganachey icing,” Vanilla noted (we thought she was referring to the cupcake, but it turns out she was hypothesizing names for her new cat).

Upon digging in, we then discovered that this cupcake had that same lemony-consistency as the Vanilla-Vanilla. (What is going on here, Rocco’s?!) And it was also was extremely messy to eat.

“Some cupcakes were meant to be eaten with hands. Some with forks. This, on the third hand, requires a spoon,” the Gang concluded, just as a shooting star soared past Orion’s Belt and into the mouth of Ursa Minor (which promptly collided with the sun).

Fourth up: Red Velvet (red velvet cake, cream cheese icing)

After much discussion of thyroids and songs people play at middle school dances, Red Velvet finally walked through the door. Our last experience with Red Velvet left much to be desired (namely “good taste”) — so we tried to prepare ourselves.

“This icing looks gross,” Choco-Choco Chip noted. Let’s hope it’s actual cream-cheese icing, and not pretend cream-cheese-icing-that-is-actually-made-of-vanilla-carpet-bags (COUGH Re: Crumbs).

Wow! Rocco’s Red Velvet — we hereby extol you in the highest regard of exceeding-extremely-low-expectations. Sure, it may have been the worst cupcake cut in history*******, but that real, genuine cream-cheese icing sure made up for it.

Although the cake was a kind of dry.

And so, another adventure came to an end (or perhaps just a poorly-done beginning).

Our ode to Rocco’s: It wasn’t the greatest, it wasn’t the worst, and luckily the cake did not leave us in great thirst!

But it was expensive.


*After failing at Crumbs. And Amy’s Bread.

**Making the most of any type of weather always involves cupcakes.

***Oh yeah — you just got literated.

****We are in no way saying, !!!! –>Andy Garcia chooses Rocco’s.” <– !!!!

*****TM.

****** Titled The Cupcake Gang: A Requiem of a Memoir in a Million Little Pieces.

*******The worst cut is the deepest.

Rocco’s Pastry Shop and Espresso Cafe

Location:

243 Bleecker St. (Between 6th and 7th Ave.)

212.242.6031

Average Cost: $2.50

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