ATTENTION CUPCAKERS:

Bonkers! A sweet deal is in our midst!

If you go to Butter Lane bakery and mention that you saw them through none other than the Cupcake Gang blog, you get TWO FOR ONE cupcakes on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays all throughout February (limit two per day)! You read right: TWO FOR ONE.

Then, at the end of February, blog scores are tallied, and the winning blog gets a dozen free cupcakes (which we will gladly share with our beloved readers)!

They are quite delicious, folks — believe us. So help a brother out, and go eat cupcakes!

Butter Lane

123 East 7th Street

NY, NY 10009

Hours: Mon-Thurs 11 am to 11 pm
Fri and Sat 11 am to midnight
Sun 11 am to 10 pm

And remember to become a fan of us on FACEBOOK.

Rocco’s Pastry Shop and Espresso Cafe.

Date of excursion: 10.20.09

Ghouls, goblins, gremlins, and gout! That’s what the month of October is about!

… That, and cupcakes.

And what a beautiful fall evening Zeus had bestowed upon us. And so we set sail for Rocco’s*, in hopes of making the most of the blessed weather.**

Upon successful traversing*** of the New York streets, we found a place to sit with our cupcake selections. And we even saw an Andy Garcia look-a-like along the way!****

“These cupcakes do not look worth the money,” someone noted immediately. Ouch!

First up: Vanilla-Vanilla (vanilla base, vanilla frosting)

“This cake is quite lemon-y,” Lemon Meringue noted.

(WE GET IT, MERINGUE. PUT YOUR MIRROR DOWN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.)

But it was true. A “vanilla”-vanilla, indeed, Rocco’s! Perhaps you should brush up on your binomial nomenclature before you stand amidst the fire of the notorious milk-curdling Cupcake Gang!

Although, we do admit, this vanilla base had a nice Angel-food consistency (if you’re sick of Demons-food, we suppose).

Next up: Chocolate-Vanilla (chocolate base, vanilla icing)

(It’s time we shared a little secret with you, the cupcake-craving community. What do you do if you are trying to cut a cupcake (perhaps into fourths), and have no knife at your disposal? Using a simple plastic fork technique will make a curved edge, giving some of your cupcake brethren a larger piece.

So, we have devised a technique, the origin of which dates back to the days of Euclidean geometry and Nanopets: the quadruple-cut yin-yang*****. Just cut halfway into your cupcake with the curve of the fork facing one direction [dir#1], and cut the other half with the curve facing the opposite way [dir#2]. For cutting into fourths, then proceed to cut your current pieces using this same method, only cutting with dir#2 on your dir#1 piece, and dir#1 on your dir#2 piece. Get it?! Harmony!)

Whoa-hoa-hoa! What did we have inside this little rascal? Surprise chocolate mousse filling?! Rocco’s, you just went up a notch in our book.******

“What horrible filling-placement!” we noted. Indeed, this delightful dark chocolate mousse center was not evenly distributed within the cupcake. For sooth!

Third up: Vanilla-Chocolate (vanilla base, chocolate icing)

“Thick, ganachey icing,” Vanilla noted (we thought she was referring to the cupcake, but it turns out she was hypothesizing names for her new cat).

Upon digging in, we then discovered that this cupcake had that same lemony-consistency as the Vanilla-Vanilla. (What is going on here, Rocco’s?!) And it was also was extremely messy to eat.

“Some cupcakes were meant to be eaten with hands. Some with forks. This, on the third hand, requires a spoon,” the Gang concluded, just as a shooting star soared past Orion’s Belt and into the mouth of Ursa Minor (which promptly collided with the sun).

Fourth up: Red Velvet (red velvet cake, cream cheese icing)

After much discussion of thyroids and songs people play at middle school dances, Red Velvet finally walked through the door. Our last experience with Red Velvet left much to be desired (namely “good taste”) — so we tried to prepare ourselves.

“This icing looks gross,” Choco-Choco Chip noted. Let’s hope it’s actual cream-cheese icing, and not pretend cream-cheese-icing-that-is-actually-made-of-vanilla-carpet-bags (COUGH Re: Crumbs).

Wow! Rocco’s Red Velvet — we hereby extol you in the highest regard of exceeding-extremely-low-expectations. Sure, it may have been the worst cupcake cut in history*******, but that real, genuine cream-cheese icing sure made up for it.

Although the cake was a kind of dry.

And so, another adventure came to an end (or perhaps just a poorly-done beginning).

Our ode to Rocco’s: It wasn’t the greatest, it wasn’t the worst, and luckily the cake did not leave us in great thirst!

But it was expensive.


*After failing at Crumbs. And Amy’s Bread.

**Making the most of any type of weather always involves cupcakes.

***Oh yeah — you just got literated.

****We are in no way saying, !!!! –>Andy Garcia chooses Rocco’s.” <– !!!!

*****TM.

****** Titled The Cupcake Gang: A Requiem of a Memoir in a Million Little Pieces.

*******The worst cut is the deepest.

Rocco’s Pastry Shop and Espresso Cafe

Location:

243 Bleecker St. (Between 6th and 7th Ave.)

212.242.6031

Average Cost: $2.50

REVISITED: The Cupcake Cafe.

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Date of excursion: 10.10.09

New addition: Indeed, Cupcake Colleagues! We would like to present you with a new installation to our extensive cupcake-reviewing process — revisitation. We’ll be sporadically revisiting ghosts of cupcakes past in order to provide you with the most up-to-date, representative, and abridged analyses of your favorite (and not-so favorite) treats.
“… Does that place still sell that cupcake?!”
“… Are the prices still the same?!”
“… How has the service changed over the years?!”
Answers to these questions (and more!) in our new “Revisited” series!

***

The Cupcake Cafe, take two, eh? Our stomachs were prepared for what we deemed to be one of the more delicious cupcakes/cupcake-eating atmospheres we’ve encountered in our happy trails.

But we couldn’t just slap a “Revisited” on you without some style.

That’s right, ladies and gentleboys, it is time for the long-awaited, [twelfth of a] feature-length documentary on yours truly: the Cupcake Gang. (Directed by resident Francis Ford Cupcake-ola-expert, Choco-Matzo.*)

“Look at that depth of field!”

(Shut up, Vanilla.)

So we arrived at the Cupcake Cafe (forks ready) and chose our flavors — flavors of which have now come to be known as staples in the Cupcake Community**: chocolate vanilla, chocolate chocolate, vanilla chocolate, and, once again, the sultry stylings of the holy maple walnut.

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A Machiavellian cupcake clerk soured the mood of sweet consumption/filmmaking at once. She may have had good intentions, but her ability to instill fear into a Gang as tough as ours was astounding — so we bowed our heads in sorrow for her disdain for the visual arts (and probably puppies).

“The cahsier was nicer last time,” someone muttered.

He sure was.

And so we sat down at a lovely table (adorned with highly-appropriate rat-rabbit hybrid designs), and began our second take on the Cupcake Cafe.

First in the spotlight***: Chocolate Vanilla.

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Not a bad choice at all, cupcake fans. Cut nicely, and a welcome addition to our previous experiences with bad chocolate vanillas.**** But, then again, even though it was good, it’s still nothing to write Gramma about.

Second up: Vanilla Chocolate.

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That beautiful cut! That icing! That moist cake! That exquisite flower! And the way it just melted in your mouth and —

“Can we eat the next one now?” Lemon Meringue mhehw-ed.***** (The movie lights and Hollywood fame were getting the best of our patience.)

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Third up: Chocolate Chocolate.

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Oh, dear.

This cupcake was twelve different kinds of scary.

“The pollen on the flower looks like bird feces,” Choco-Choco Chip noted.

“It looks more like a coccoon,” Cappuccino Swirl replied.

“…. Lemon Meringue hates snails,” Vanilla added.

And not only was its appearance offsetting, folks. But the taste — oh how it crumbled over everything in sight! How it failed to cohesively blend into a medley of chocolate depth and ecstasy in the mouth! How the icing was just so plum[b] melty! The camera crew almost buckled over in tears at the sight of a cupcake gone so terribly wrong (but they couldn’t, owing to the fact that insurance is costly and does not cover NaCl and lysozyme tear-seepage into equipment).

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We can only hope that you, the Cupcake Craving Public, should never experience the chocolate-squared travesty we experienced at that moment. (And we suppose it’s not completely your fault, Choco-Choco Chip.)

Fourth up: Maple Walnut.

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Oh!******

There are no words.

There are too many words.

No! There are words — “this cupcake is delicious,” to be precise.

We can only thank the Lords of Film (and Cupcakes, of course) that this glorious gift to all of Cupcakedom was documented on film. Still images alone cannot capture its mapley goodness.

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What an informative revisit! Laughter (maple walnut), tears (Machiavelli), and plenty of crumbs (Chocolate Chocolate).

With that said, we hereby extend not just a wonderous, frosting-coated “thank you” to Choco-Matzo and Company for handling our delicate evaluation process with such care, but also a cordial invitation to join the Cupcake Gang on any upcoming journeys through fiery pits of brimstone, soot, and grime — all in the hopes of discovering the best cupcakes in the world (or just New York).

In conclusion:

Look before you leap.

Party hearty.

And eat cupcakes.

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“… we were being filmed?!” Vanilla roared.

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*And his swift n’ sassy crew of cupcake trainees: Tres “the Pinto Bean” Leches, Tiramisu, and Colombian Coffee.

**A prosperous society of peoples just outside of Simsbury, Connecticut.

***Hip and showbizzy diction!

****Vanilla and Choco-Choco chip are rumored to share a cousin — Chocolate Vanilla. Choco-Choco Chip has demanded a cousinternity test.

*****Think of a cat’s face. Think of a sour cat’s face. Think of the type of “meow” it would make. That’s what this noise is.

******One shot?!

Become a Fan of The Cupcake Gang — on Facebook.

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Tonnie’s Minis.

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Date of excursion: 09.12.09

Hunger chords were a-rumblin’ and a-tumblin’, and the Gang had only one thing in mind: falafel.

Psyche!  It was cupcakes.

And the Lords of Cupcakery bestowed on us a new, close-by location with which to feast our mouths upon — a little-known gem called Tonnie’s Minis.

Minis?!” Vanilla growled.

Yes.  Minis.

But, as we soon discovered, these Minis were not so mini after all  (leading us to wonder: what would the Jolly Green Giant look like at Tonnie’s?).

Our first decision was whether or not we wanted Hollywood-themed cupcakes. What did this even mean?!

“We’re out of Hollywood cupcakes.  Some NYU kids just came in and bought the last of them,” said Amicable* Associate.

(A potential second Cupcake Gang?!  Curse you, NYU!  [And see you in class on Monday!])

We got our pickers out and began a-pickin’ from the ripe and luscious crop before us.  And soon enough, it was time to scarf and swill like nobody’s business.

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First up, Chocolate Vanilla (chocolate base, vanilla frosting).

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This may have been the easiest cut in Cupcake Gang History!**  Plates, knives, salt and pepper… Well, needless to say, Mother Nature was pleased that night.

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Presentation-wise, these cupcakes almost looked storebought, but taste-wise, they could have bought the store themselves!  Or at least a farm.

“The vanilla complements the chocolate cake so well,” Choco-Choco Chip noted.  “Unlike other Vanillas we know.”

“Freakin’ good!” Vanilla squealed, unable to take the hint.

“Amazing,” was the general consensus on this dark chocolate cake batter.

Next up, Lemon.  (Did someone say “child support”, Lemon Meringue?)

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With a yellowy tint that could only represent that classic lemon taste, we began to engorge ourselves.

A little to the left, oh yeah, that’s it.  Now pose like you’re waiting for a bus.***

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A very sweet little cupcake.  Literally.  Not necessarily personality-wise.  (We didn’t get much time for small-talk.)

“It tastes like an Amy’s Christmas spongecake with the lemon icing, only better.”

“The chunks of lemon zest.  They’re singin’ to me.”

“It’s like drinkin’ Mama’s Lemonade.  Country Time, not that Minute Maid bullsh–”

— Whoa, there!

Next up: Chocolate Chocolate (chocolate base, chocolate frosting).

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This cupcake looked like a black tie event, and cut like a bloomin’ onion — both qualities of which the Gang reveres.

“Very smooth icing.”

“It condenses in your mouth.”

“It’s so moist, that I’m not even thirsty,” Cappuccino Swirl jived.

All wise words to describe this little diddy.

“Does this taste so good just because I’m hungry now?” Choco-Choco Chip wondered.

“No!” Vanilla foamed.

Next up: Marble! (vanilla AND chocolate base, chocolate frosting)

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“This is messy chic.”

“Such rich frosting!”

“It has a certain lemony sourness…”

“You mean, ‘acid?'” Gail Simmons probably chimed in.

So, it seemed that this cupcake represented fashion-forwardness and high levels of eatability — but let us not forget that, above everything else, this cupcake made a great deal of personal sacrifice in order to honorably unify two flavors previously engaged in murderous conflict.  Caught up in the swell of emotions, Vanilla and Choco-Choco Chip decided to call a truce.  (And then Vanilla fell asleep, briefly.)****

And, finally: Coconut (vanilla base, vanilla frosting, shredded coconut topping).

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“Oh, wow.  The icing is melty,” Cappuccino Swirl said.

“It has a lemon taste,” Lemon Meringue bragged.

(We get it, Lemon Meringue.)

“I want more…” Vanilla fumed.  We all did.  “Is that a beagle outside?” Vanilla continued.

Amazing!  What surprisingly moist cake we found in all of our tastings that night, despite having arrived at the end of the day!  Eight thumbs way up, Tonnie’s.

And, so:

Five cupcakes.

Four friends.

Probably three or two laughs.

And one satisfying evening with not-so-mini Minis from Tonnie’s.

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*Can we please talk for a second about how amiable and amicable only differ by one letter, but they mean the same thing?

**A hulking, cumbersome tome dating back to the late 14th century.

***The Cupcake Gang is an avid anti-advocate of Lemon Meringue’s camera, as well as Ashton Kutcher.

****Look for V56.028.003 during your next course registration term — we’ll be teaching a seminar on Poly-Cakes.

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Tonnie’s Minis

Location:

120 W 3rd St. (Mac Dougal St. and W 3rd St.)

212.473.2002

Average Cost: 4 for $8.50

Butter Lane.

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Date of excursion: 09.07.09

After a horrific misunderstanding over school‘s “in” or “out” status, a blessing in disguise was made, and the Cupcake Gang could once again reunite on sacred New York soil.

And it was there, beneath the blue urban skies, cupcakes were in our ears, and in our eyes.  So to Butter Lane we went.

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And what a glorious Lane it was!  Hip wallpaper!  Frosting shots!  And what’s this?  Choose-your-own-cake-and-frosting combination?  Gadzooks!

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The Gang immediately congregated in front of the Holy Blackboard of Choices.  Kindly Clerk presided as a witness.

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And so the decision process began.  A banana base?!  A four-for-eleven special?!  French chocolate icing?!

“– uh, we’re out of french chocolate icing.”*

… a four-for-eleven special?!  This place was insane!

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After finally constructing our list, we scavenged for seating.  We could foursie a bench, but that would provide minimal face-to-face cupcake discussion.  We could sit outside, but then we’d risk being mobbed by slews of anti-cupcake legions.  So, we opted for the best we could do: the stool and rocking chair in the corner, complete with coffee table accessory.  (And two of us sat on the floor.)

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“Looks effin’ delicious,” everyone said, seemingly in unison.

First up: Chocolate Cream-Cheese (chocolate base, cream-cheese icing)

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“Crumbles.”

Under the steady hands of Dr. Choco-Choco Chip, the chocolate-base cake began to crumble (specifically, into crumbles).  The Gang then doctored* a letter of apology to the family and friends of said butchered base.

“The cream cheese sticks everything together,” Choco-Choco Chip happily noted, whilst consuming the cupcake.

Silence.

“… I feel like God,” Cappuccino Swirl said.

And then that funky*** tune just kept playing.

Next up: Vanilla Coconut (vanilla base, coconut icing)

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Having to switch blades to make the incision in our more vanilla-based base, we realized that whatever chemistry goes on in that Sacred Oven makes vanilla cake crazy-easier to cut than chocolate cake.

“Nice slicin’!” Cappuccino Swirl remarked.  ” … Coconut is crunchy.”

Too delicious for words.

Next up: Chocolate Maple Pecan (chocolate base, maple pecan icing)

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“Uh, hey, are you guys still open?” Rando-Trouser-Travelers said, upon entering the very-much-open establishment.

“We are, indeed, open,” said Kindly Clerk.

Choco-Choco Chip wiped her brow.  The music pace made for a dramatic incision.

After the ceremonial chomp, then came the ceremonial lick o’ fingers.

“So good.”

“This tastes like a Vermont vacation,” Choco-Choco Chip noted.

“What’s that?” Vanilla asked.  “… this is my favorite of cupcake places.”

A good maple pecan can do that to you, Nills.

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A good maple pecan.

The moist pockets of chocolate inside did, indeed, complement the mapley Canadian goodness that was the icing.  And boy, did those pockets sure get under our fingernails.****

Lastly: Vanilla Honey Cinnamon (vanilla base, cinnamon icing with a pool of honey)

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Choco-Choco Chip dipped the wooden dagger into the golden pool of honey, only to be met by the vanquishing powers of the last cupcake standing.  And so our cutting skewer broke.

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Tough love, VHC.   (But no splinters!)

“This tastes like an Eggo Cinnamon Toast waffle,” Choco-Choco Chip noted.

Vanilla agreed, and promptly collapsed onto the floor in joy.

“I mean, it’s not my favorite, but I don’t like that cinnamon kind of spicy taste,” Cappuccino Swirl said.

“Then why’d we get it?!” Vanilla demanded.

Silence.

“… I like waffles.”

So, all in all, Butter Lane proved to be a hip, happenin’, organic, and un-crowded place for a very satisfying cupcake bite on a otherwise not-as-satisfying Labor Day evening.  Perhaps a bit skimpy on the seating arrangements, but our Lemon Meringue begged to differ: “The rocking chair alone makes up for it.”

We entered hungry, and left drunk on deliciousness.

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Butter Lane: in our ears, eyes, and now our stomachs.

*Much appreciated Kindly Clerk!  He [kindly] notified us about this icing’s M.I.A. status amidst the decision-making process, rather than allowing us to finalize our list only to be crushed by the heavy hand of sugary demand.

**Get it?

***Not funky as in “malodorous,” but as in, “it’s got a wank to it.”

****Fun tip: in anticipation of cupcake-ing, one should probably clip one’s fingernails.  Much like when one eats Indian food.

Butter Lane

123 East 7th Street (between 1st Ave and Avenue A)

(212) 677-2880

Average cost of Cupcake: $3.00

Hours:

Mon-Thu 11am-11pm; Fri-Sat 11am-12am; Sun 12pm-10pm

Cupcakes Gourmet (Frazer, PA).

Date of excursion: 06.24.09

The hills are alive with the sound of … cupcakes.

After recuperating from learnin’-time (and an epic Cupcake Gang digitized-win), the Gang, once again, parted ways for the summer.

And thus we are brought to the second “abroad” entry of the Gang: this time, comin’ atchyoo from the lip-smackin’ streets of Choco-Choco Chip’s homeland, Pennsylvania (guest judgers Coconut Cream Pie and Bananas Foster presiding).

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We arrived at Cupcakes Gourmet, stomachs a rumblin’ and a tumblin’.  The environment was instantly a pleaser.

Choco-Choco Chip’s eyeballs fell on the floor upon viewing the glorious cupcake case.  And after Coconut Cream Pie picked them up, it was time to get smackin’.

Whilst the trio tittered with excitement at the prospect of encroaching upon the tasty territory of said cupcakes, the showrunner of TCG*, Maki, greeted us with warm, frosting-coated hellos.

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Feeling adventurous, Choco-Choco Chip, Coconut Cream Pie, and Bananas Foster knew it was their sacred mission for that day to not only represent the heart and soul of Pennsylvania** in their analysis, but to also do honor and justice to the sometimes-forgotten friend of the miniature-cupcake.

And so we began.

First up to plate***: White Chocolate Almond.

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“It tastes like a Toasted Almond Good Humor bar — but more delicious and deep,” cooed Choco-Choco Chip, longingly.

It is presumed that Coconut Cream Pie and Bananas Foster agreed, but they were too engorged with sweet, sweet cake to properly respond.  But it was noted that the cake was rich and moist, and the almond frosting was tasty, but not excessive.

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See?!

Second up: Coconut Lime

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“It’s got an escalating tickle of lime,” someone noted, positively.

Most likely due to the real lime juice used in the frosting!  Can you say “daily serving of fruit?”

Third batter***: Dark Chocolate Mint

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Did somebody say REMIX?

Presentation wise, Coconut Cream Pie became smitten with a new chocolate lover — the dark chocolate cake (new concept!).  This cake was black as a jet engulfed in the night wrapped up in a black cat’s belly (and was far more delicious than any of those three elements combined).  The mint served as a nice balance to this new dark chocolate, bitterly delightful friend of ours.

“A refreshin’ mint blast!” Choco-Choco Chip remarked.

Bananas Foster ducked and cowered at the intensity of truth in this statement.

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And now, without any further ado — the MINIATURE CUPCAKES.

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(Back row, left to right: Peanut Butter, Chocolate Vanilla, Triple Chocolate.  Front row: Classic Vanilla, Lovely Lemon)

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(Another angle.)

Fourth up: Chocolate Vanilla

Do not be misled by the name of this cupcake — we still have our good friend, the dark chocolate base, but with vanilla icing and a secret surprise of dark chocolate ganache on top!

Bananas Foster made the incision into the cupcake and barked that she could FEEL the ganache sinking into the cake as she cut. Now that’s one tasty sink.

What balanced flavors emerged from this cupcake!  The bitterness, the sweetness!  Like racial harmony in the mouth — or at least like a Sour Patch Kid.

“It’s very vanilla, but in a lovely way,” noted Choco-Choco Chip, most likely as an off-handed remark about other “Vanillas” we know. “It carried its own.” (Like Tim O’Brien.)

[Two babies, presumably chaperoning their mother, enter the store wearing matching dresses.  The hilarity of this moment combined with the mintiness still lingering in our esophoguses, and the tasty swigs of milk we enjoyed, all combined to create a delightful Baby/Mint/Milk/Esophagus interlude.]

Fifth up: Lovely Lemon

Upon biting into L-squared, Coconut Cream Pie noted that the icing was quite intense (although it was less intense when combined with the correct proportion of cake).  As an adjunct, Choco-Choco Chip noted that the cake was delightfully moist (as seemed to be a pattern in this cupcake establishment).

Although this may have ranked as the “lowest” of our cupcakes for the day, L-squared still proved to be as lovely as the name implies — and to top it off (literally), its icing packed a zesty punch that just wouldn’t quit!

Sixth up: Triple Chocolate

Blessed Zeus.  If it can’t be determined by the name or appearance alone, then it’d have to be determined by the intense Bwoop-Bwoop-Bwoop face of our beloved Coconut Cream Pie.  Enraptured by the scent, color, appearance, and finally, lingering and sultry taste of this dark chocolate base, milk chocolate icing, with dark chocolate ganache, Coconut Cream Pie had only this to say: “Transcendent joy in a cupcake.”

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“I want to lick this from its head to its toes,” the trio concurred.

Seventh in the mix***: Peanut Butter

The special thing about this cupcake is just how light the frosting was, considering how heavy peanut butter itself is.  And this light taste transcended the frosting and seeped within to the chocolate cake batter, making this cupcake certainly live up to its name in awesome-osity.

Eighth on the floor****: Classic Vanilla

What a way to end the day!  With its nice, clean taste, this cupcake has no hidden secrets or agendas.  Even Coconut Cream Pie, who tends to dislike yellow bases, had positive feelings about said cupcake.  A triumph indeed!

And so, Good Friends, another cupcake adventure was completed.  Battles were won (Triple Chocolate), battles were partially-lost (Lemon), but everyone feasted like Kings.

Everyone is a winner in Frazer, Pennsylvania.

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Destroyed.

*By adding a simple “the” to “Cupcakes Gourmet”, it has the same acronym as the greatest baked-goods-eating gang that ever lived!

**Consists of cheesesteaks and Auntie Anne’s pretzels.

***Excellent cupcake puns.

****Not literal.

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Hours and Locations:

Cupcakes Gourmet
288 Lancaster Ave
Malvern, PA 19355 

484-318-8057 (Frazer bakery)
877-719-0140 (Website help) 

Monday to Saturday 10am to 7pm
Closed Sunday