Cupcakes Gourmet (Frazer, PA).

Date of excursion: 06.24.09

The hills are alive with the sound of … cupcakes.

After recuperating from learnin’-time (and an epic Cupcake Gang digitized-win), the Gang, once again, parted ways for the summer.

And thus we are brought to the second “abroad” entry of the Gang: this time, comin’ atchyoo from the lip-smackin’ streets of Choco-Choco Chip’s homeland, Pennsylvania (guest judgers Coconut Cream Pie and Bananas Foster presiding).

We arrived at Cupcakes Gourmet, stomachs a rumblin’ and a tumblin’.  The environment was instantly a pleaser.

Choco-Choco Chip’s eyeballs fell on the floor upon viewing the glorious cupcake case.  And after Coconut Cream Pie picked them up, it was time to get smackin’.

Whilst the trio tittered with excitement at the prospect of encroaching upon the tasty territory of said cupcakes, the showrunner of TCG*, Maki, greeted us with warm, frosting-coated hellos.

Feeling adventurous, Choco-Choco Chip, Coconut Cream Pie, and Bananas Foster knew it was their sacred mission for that day to not only represent the heart and soul of Pennsylvania** in their analysis, but to also do honor and justice to the sometimes-forgotten friend of the miniature-cupcake.

And so we began.

First up to plate***: White Chocolate Almond.

“It tastes like a Toasted Almond Good Humor bar — but more delicious and deep,” cooed Choco-Choco Chip, longingly.

It is presumed that Coconut Cream Pie and Bananas Foster agreed, but they were too engorged with sweet, sweet cake to properly respond.  But it was noted that the cake was rich and moist, and the almond frosting was tasty, but not excessive.

See?!

Second up: Coconut Lime

“It’s got an escalating tickle of lime,” someone noted, positively.

Most likely due to the real lime juice used in the frosting!  Can you say “daily serving of fruit?”

Third batter***: Dark Chocolate Mint

Did somebody say REMIX?

Presentation wise, Coconut Cream Pie became smitten with a new chocolate lover — the dark chocolate cake (new concept!).  This cake was black as a jet engulfed in the night wrapped up in a black cat’s belly (and was far more delicious than any of those three elements combined).  The mint served as a nice balance to this new dark chocolate, bitterly delightful friend of ours.

“A refreshin’ mint blast!” Choco-Choco Chip remarked.

Bananas Foster ducked and cowered at the intensity of truth in this statement.

And now, without any further ado — the MINIATURE CUPCAKES.

(Back row, left to right: Peanut Butter, Chocolate Vanilla, Triple Chocolate.  Front row: Classic Vanilla, Lovely Lemon)

(Another angle.)

Fourth up: Chocolate Vanilla

Do not be misled by the name of this cupcake — we still have our good friend, the dark chocolate base, but with vanilla icing and a secret surprise of dark chocolate ganache on top!

Bananas Foster made the incision into the cupcake and barked that she could FEEL the ganache sinking into the cake as she cut. Now that’s one tasty sink.

What balanced flavors emerged from this cupcake!  The bitterness, the sweetness!  Like racial harmony in the mouth — or at least like a Sour Patch Kid.

“It’s very vanilla, but in a lovely way,” noted Choco-Choco Chip, most likely as an off-handed remark about other “Vanillas” we know. “It carried its own.” (Like Tim O’Brien.)

[Two babies, presumably chaperoning their mother, enter the store wearing matching dresses.  The hilarity of this moment combined with the mintiness still lingering in our esophoguses, and the tasty swigs of milk we enjoyed, all combined to create a delightful Baby/Mint/Milk/Esophagus interlude.]

Fifth up: Lovely Lemon

Upon biting into L-squared, Coconut Cream Pie noted that the icing was quite intense (although it was less intense when combined with the correct proportion of cake).  As an adjunct, Choco-Choco Chip noted that the cake was delightfully moist (as seemed to be a pattern in this cupcake establishment).

Although this may have ranked as the “lowest” of our cupcakes for the day, L-squared still proved to be as lovely as the name implies — and to top it off (literally), its icing packed a zesty punch that just wouldn’t quit!

Sixth up: Triple Chocolate

Blessed Zeus.  If it can’t be determined by the name or appearance alone, then it’d have to be determined by the intense Bwoop-Bwoop-Bwoop face of our beloved Coconut Cream Pie.  Enraptured by the scent, color, appearance, and finally, lingering and sultry taste of this dark chocolate base, milk chocolate icing, with dark chocolate ganache, Coconut Cream Pie had only this to say: “Transcendent joy in a cupcake.”

“I want to lick this from its head to its toes,” the trio concurred.

Seventh in the mix***: Peanut Butter

The special thing about this cupcake is just how light the frosting was, considering how heavy peanut butter itself is.  And this light taste transcended the frosting and seeped within to the chocolate cake batter, making this cupcake certainly live up to its name in awesome-osity.

Eighth on the floor****: Classic Vanilla

What a way to end the day!  With its nice, clean taste, this cupcake has no hidden secrets or agendas.  Even Coconut Cream Pie, who tends to dislike yellow bases, had positive feelings about said cupcake.  A triumph indeed!

And so, Good Friends, another cupcake adventure was completed.  Battles were won (Triple Chocolate), battles were partially-lost (Lemon), but everyone feasted like Kings.

Everyone is a winner in Frazer, Pennsylvania.

Destroyed.

*By adding a simple “the” to “Cupcakes Gourmet”, it has the same acronym as the greatest baked-goods-eating gang that ever lived!

**Consists of cheesesteaks and Auntie Anne’s pretzels.

***Excellent cupcake puns.

****Not literal.

Hours and Locations:

Cupcakes Gourmet
288 Lancaster Ave
Malvern, PA 19355 

484-318-8057 (Frazer bakery)
877-719-0140 (Website help) 

Monday to Saturday 10am to 7pm
Closed Sunday

Cupcake Cafe.

Date of excursion: 2.1.08

It was raining and pouring. The old man was not snoring.

Vanilla and Lemon Meringue trekked with their Zyrtec (TM) umbrellas*; Cappuccino Swirl’s umbrella was red and Choco-Choco Chip’s umbrella was large and unsightly. They were on their way to the Cupcake Café.

[As a side story, Choco-Choco Chip’s greatest fear (aside from ketchup pee) is when her umbrella blows upward.]

Choco-Choco Chip’s umbrella went insane. It blew upward, and exploded.

Once we arrived at the Cupcake Café, we noted the friendly amalgamation of a children’s book store and a bakery, conveniently decorated for Valentine’s Day. Children adorned one half of the bakery, while the elderly were sprinkled throughout the other half.

We were greeted by the phrase, “Would you like some free brownie samples?” “Indubitably,” we collectively thought. But “Yes,” we collectively replied.

“Well, milk is five dollars. That’s where they get you,” said the man.

We were afraid to laugh, as we do not get the chance to do that often, given the nature of our work. Apparently he was kidding, so we saw a light chortle to be a fitting response.

We purchased cupcakes, and sat down on the border between Children’s Books, USA and Cupcake Land, Mexico. One might think that we could feel the animosity of bitter rivalry and forced adjacency in these two conflicting worlds. On the contrary–we did not. Instead, it was a magical realm of fairytales and transnational harmony.

The first cupcake we undressed (so-called Cupcake One) was a walnut cake with maple icing. The be-flowered cupcake presented a puzzling mixture of flavors during the pre-tasting stage. However, upon the actual tongue-cupcake interface, everyone was pleased (in different ways). The icing had the consistency of chilled butter (the cupcakes are refrigerated!), but tasted like fresh ice cream, while the cake part was more hearty and bread-like.

“It tastes like maple syrup.”

[independently of this statement] “It tastes like PANCAKES.”

It did.

“Walnuts? Protein? Protein? Protein?”

Next, came Cupcake Two: mocha cake, with chocolate icing. Adorned with two purple flowers, this cupcake, like it’s maple counterpart, was dressed for success (until we got to it). The icing had a similar, fanciful taste.

We debated purchasing a third cupcake, and finally, after a [non-threatening] bloody battle between Vanilla and Choco-Choco Chip, Vanilla reigned blows upon Choco-Choco Chip’s head, stepped on it, and ran to the counter in order to request a vanilla cupcake with vanilla icing.

“The flowers [on the cupcake] look like boobs,” Anonymous said.

An unequal cut down the middle led to disaster. “Someone is not going to get pollen,” Choco-Choco Chip stated. No one seemed fazed (it turns out, the Zyrtec (TM) helped all of us avoid allergic reactions to the pollen, too!).

Cupcake Three had the same icing consistency as Cupcakes One and Two. Meaning? Crazy delicious.

We entered the Cupcake Café with high hopes and empty stomachs. We left filled with the hearty bread-like nature of the cupcakes, and the dessert-like airiness of the icing. It was truly a dinner for champions.

Overall:

Cupcake One: Maple Walnut

Cappuccino Swirl: This cupcake was mapley goodness. Cappuccino Swirl was satizfied.

Choco-Choco Chip: It was nutty, but not TOO nutty. It was maple-y, but not TOO maple-y. This is what’s sappenin’. Kazaam!

Lemon Meringue: The icing was the sweet sappiness to my sour.

Vanilla: It’s a muffin. <:)

Cupcake Two: Chocolate Mocha

Cappuccino Swirl: The mocha taste was subtle and smooth. Not as BAM as Cappucino Swirl, but still very jivin’.

Choco-Choco Chip: I completely understand where C2 is coming from. We understand each other. I liken the icing to watching “Space Jam” for the first time–a very positive experience.

Lemon Meringue: It was mocha, but not a bitter coffee.

Vanilla: Huh. I want to go read those children’s books.

Cupcake Three: Vanilla Vanilla

Cappuccino Swirl: The icing was jazzy awesomeness, I would jive with this cupcake anytime.

Choco-Choco Chip: Despite my ongoing feud with Vanilla, I must commit treason against my chocolate brothers. This was the best of the three. It was like dessert, yo.

Lemon Meringue: Cute and yellow. Good.

Vanilla: That’s-a-mah-baby!

*Vanilla, Choco-Choco Chip, and Lemon Meringue went to a Zyrtec (TM)** Paradise in Central Park, one day, based on the false premise of hot chocolate. We did not get hot chocolate, but we sure did get a mouthful of whimsy, free umbrellas, and reggae music.

**Did you know that Zyrtec (TM) is now available over-the-counter?

Cupcake Cafe (two locations):

1) 18 W. 18th St. (between 5th and 6th Ave). 212.465.1530 (We went to this location)

Average cost of cupcake: $3.00

2) 545 9th Ave (between 40th and 41 St.) 212.268.9975

Hours:

1) Sun. 9am-7pm, Mon.-Sat. 8am-8pm

2) Sun. 9am-7pm, Mon.-Fri. 7am-7pm, Sat. 8am-7pm

Magnolia Bakery.

Date of excursion: 2.14.08

It was nighttime, and our cupcake senses were tingling. After long hours of homework, silence, and solitude in the library, we sent out a text to our beloved Cappuccino Swirl (who could not join us that evening, due to a coffee-related emergency). “Magnolia. 9:42 PM.” Done.

We trekked on a different route to Magnolia. It took approximately three years to reach. But when we did, oh when we did, we were ready to ‘mack on some cupcakes.

The story behind Magnolia is an interesting one. Two friends started the business years ago, but parted ways. One friend kept Magnolia, and the other made a rivalry bakery– Buttercup Bakery. Magnolia, on the one hand, gained popularity from Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell’s “Lazy Sunday” SNL Digital Short. It was also featured on HBO’s “Sex in the City”, although New York’s “Sex in the City” tour will provide you with Buttercup cupcakes (to eat in front of Magnolia). You could cut that tension with a cupcake knife, or plastic fork, as we like to do it.

After struggling to purchase our cupcakes through the massive sea of people (as, frequently, the line to Magnolia extends out into the street), and bidding farewell to the Magnolia be-aproned bouncer (yes), we settled ourselves in the park across the street, at one of the quaint chess boards.

Unfortunately, after we undressed our first cupcake (chocolate chocolate), a rivalry gang (we define “gang” in this sentence as a group of people with a common goal to intimidate and/or eat cupcakes) began to bust our chops. “How much did those cost?”, they asked condescendingly. We made no reply. “You just used your American Express card, and said ‘Hey Rico*, keep the change!'” They also mentioned that they had some very nice MySpaces we could look at.**

So as to avoid what would surely have become a street brawl, we decided to pick up our plastic forks, and bounce. We headed over to Cappuccino Swirl and Choco–Choco Chip’s box. The owners of the box gladly accepted our request for a photo.

We began to undress the remaining cupcakes. The vanilla icing on Cupcake Two was a pastel green, and the cake was vanilla as well (Vanilla was enthralled). We bit.

“This tastes like a Chinese thing I’ve eaten before,” said Lemon Meringue.

“Mooncakes?”

We likened Cupcake Two to several things. Cappuccino Swirl compared it to a Betty Crocker mix, while Choco–Choco Chip compared it to Alice from “the Brady Bunch”– wait, no–Cindy from “the Brady Bunch.” “It’s like a big, soft, [panda]. It doesn’t hold up.”

“Do you remember the episode of “the Brady Bunch” with the see-saw contest?

They were trying to see if they could break a record for see-saw-ing, and then this news reporter came to interview Bobby and Cindy… how difficult could that have possibly been?”

“Well, it takes a lot of leg strength…”

“No.”

“Cindy has a lisp.”

Cupcake Two was soon destroyed. We liked “the Brady Bunch” movie.

Cupcake Three was a Valentine’s Day cupcake. It had chocolate cake with vanilla (pink!) icing. Stabbed through the heart of the icing was a plastic heart stick ($0.50– thanks for that post-purchase memo, Magnolia). There was also a sugar heart embedded into the icing. Vanilla ate it. “Eww.”

Cupcake Three was likened to a Barbie cupcake. Not because it was tall, busty, and had an eating disorder, but more so because it was explosively pink.

The sugary pink sprinkles intertwined into the swirls of tufted frosting were a nice touch. It was like a hidden surprise in every bite. Alas, there was another hidden surprise–a sub-par chocolate-cake taste. The frosting, thereby, overpowered the cupcake.

We tried to compare Cupcake Three to Cupcake One (in that they both had chocolate cake). We concluded that we could not quite remember Cupcake One– most likely due to all the marijuana that was in the air at the time, emanating from the rivalry gang.

[Marijuana interlude: ten minutes. Discussion topics included smell, identification, and awareness.]

Cupcake Four had a vanilla cake with chocolate icing (and rainbow dot sprinkles)! We also likened this cupcake to Barbie. Again– Cupcake Four was not a blonde, plastic, woman who was having sexual relations with a man-doll named Ken, but instead looked more like a freeze frame from a Barbie commercial. You know, when she throws the glitter, and the screen flashes “Barbie”, and it says “Barbie.com, but first ask dad or mom.” It’s really clever advertising.

[“Dibs not”? Or “Nose goes”? Cappuccino Swirl and Choco–Choco chip debate. Are either arguments valid?]

Cappuccino Swirl claims the cupcake was too stale (due to the fact that, at Magnolia, you serve yourself from a tray of cupcakes they, unfortunately, leave by the constantly-opening door).

Lemon Meringue becomes sour during the traditional cake toast. “Your cake is TOUCHING me.”

Overall:

Cupcake One: Chocolate Chocolate

Cappuccino Swirl: Swirly goodness, but not as hip-happening as I thought.

Choco–Choco Chip: That frosting was on the heazy! I wish I could just slurble it. Choco and choco, yo? I likes the sound of that. The cake itself exploded, by the way. Because it was DYNO-MITE. But not actually.

Lemon Meringue: Lots of chocolate… a little bitter, like lemon.

Vanilla: Frosting. And some uneccesary people. Also– bathroom in bar.***

Cupcake Two: Vanilla Vanilla

Cappuccino Swirl: Cake was like Betty Crocker. I felt like I could make this in my easy-bake oven. The frostin’ was pretty jammin’. The color was chillsville green.

Choco–Choco Chip: (Vanilla)^2? It was really like (Vanilla)^(CRAZY). And it was like red vines.

[drew picture of a bottle, a seal, and a chair.]

Lemon Meringue: The cake was yellow but mushy. Green frosting = good times.

Vanilla: Da best.

Cupcake Three: Valentine’s Day

Cappuccino Swirl: Festive, you know I dig the whole pink thing. Nice decoration. Chocolate part totally normal.

Choco–Choco Chip: The chocolate cake, if he were on a playground, would be last week’s cool kid. But he’s not this week’s cool kid. The frosting was this week’s cool kid. But since the week is over, he’s less cool. The kid had heart and soul, though. I gotta say.

Lemon Meringue: Good presentation. Bad holiday.

Vanilla: I ate the heart made of candy.

Cupcake Four: Chocolate Vanilla

Cappuccino Swirl: It was stale.

Choco–Choco Chip: The rainbow sprinkles added the right amount of crunch. The frosting is slippin’ and sloshin’ like a cocoa waterfall.

Lemon Meringue: I know this is the Barbie-looking cupcake, but where’s the Lemon Meringue-looking cupcake?

Vanilla: Done.

*We are in no way associated with the degradation of minorities, as all the members of the Cupcake Gang are minorities themselves. Yes, even Vanilla is a minority. Not that non-minorities are racists. Just thought we’d add this politically-correct insight so as to familiarize you with the Cupcake Gang’s non-threatening threatening exterior.

**As much as Rupert Murdoch looks like a sour-faced old man, Lemon Meringue is philosophically opposed to MySpace.

***Due to the fact that Magnolia does not have a bathroom, Vanilla was forced to go to a bathroom in a local bar. She was wearing her signature, official Cupcake-Gang backpack, and the bar rats were threatened.

Magnolia Bakery (2 locations):

1) Downtown: 401 Bleecker Street (Intersection of 11th Street and Bleecker Street) 212.462.2572 (We went to this location)

Average cost of cupcake: $2.50

2) Uptown: 200 Columbus Avenue (Intersection of 69th Street and Columbus Ave.) 212.724.8101

Hours:

1) Sun. 10am-11:30pm, Mon. 12pm-11:30pm, Tues.-Thurs. 9am-11:30pm, Fri. 9am-12:30am, Sat. 10am-12:30am

2) Sun. 7am-10:30pm, Mon.-Thurs. 7am-11:30pm, Fri.-Sat. 7am-12:30am