Tag Archives: New York

The Little Cupcake Bakeshop.

Date of excursion: 10.15.11

Fall fell and boy, did the Little Cupcake Bakeshop smell [good]! Carried over by wafts of frosting and cake batter, the Gang landed at this little SoHo shop – a new dawn, new day, and new cupcakery awaiting us. Even our pal, Mochi, tagged along!

First up: Chocolate Cloud (chocolate base, vanilla meringue frosting)

Wow! Both a cloud and a good cupcake, especially considering the tough reputation chocolate bases have around these parts. And it was vegetarian*, to boot!

This little cake was fudgy but not overpowering, and the meringue added a light, airy sweetness. Even Lemon Meringue was impressed!

“Even I’m impressed,” she said.

You heard it here first, folks.

Next up: Vanilla Chocolate (vanilla base, chocolate frosting)

“This looks like childhood,” Cappuccino Swirl said, while beating on a bongo. She’s cool.

“Do you think this is white cake or yellow?” Mochi asked. An interesting point! White cakes are, indeed, whiter, and contain no egg yolks. This cake somehow seemed to be a hybrid between the two, though, with a firm, cornbread-like texture –

“Stop saying words,” Vanilla barked. A calm overcame us. (But for those playing at home, the answer is “probably yellow.”)

The chocolate frosting on this cupcake was quite chocolatey, but again, not in an overpowering way. Granted, the flavor could have been more complex, but it emitted a warmth and delight that, indeed, evoked memories of childhood**. And elementary school bake sales.

Next up: Pumpkin (pumpkin base, maple frosting)

“I’m pumped for this pumpkin,” Choco-Choco Chip said. Mochi slapped her.

The inside of this cake was nice and orangey, just like pumpkin cake should be. But the taste? Quite underwhelming – not nearly as much pumpkin flavor and spice as the color implies.

And now, the frosting – the amazingly-awesomely-spectacular maple frosting. Is there a bar that serves this exclusively? If so, sign us up for double-shot Tuesdays! (And Wednesdays through Mondays.) … Please?

Next up: The Dreaming Princess (almond cake with raspberry filling, meringue frosting)

Well, well, well, hello filling! The components to this cupcake, while each individually delicious, combined forces to create a mega-force of taste. The raspberry added a bright note to the buttery cake, and the light meringue finished it nicely. Dreaming princess? Dream on! This princess is an extremely successful rock star with a busy social life and lots of popularity.

New York Citttaay!” Vanilla exclaimed. Yes.

So! While the Little Cupcake Bakeshop left much to be desired in terms of pumpkin flavor (and logo design), they still delivered delightful deliciousness. Their specialty cupcakes are well thought-out, and their classic cupcakes, while slightly bake sale-like, are tasty.

The happiest of holidays to you, LCB! We would wish you stockings filled with cupcakes, but why waste a good cupcake by getting it all … socky?

*Marshmallow-free is the way to be.

**Every Gang member’s childhood was cupcakes (only).

Locations:

Little Cupcake Bakeshop
30 Prince Street
New York, NY 10012
Phone: 212-941-9100
Hours: Monday – Friday 7:30am – 11pm
Saturday and Sunday 8am – 11pm

9102 Third Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11209
Phone: 718-680-4465
Hours: Monday – Friday 7am – 11pm
Saturday and Sunday 8am – 11pm

Average cost of cupcake: $3.00

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Tulu’s Gluten-Free Bakery.

Date of excursion: 06.07.10

Summer is upon us! And boy what a summer it is.

Feelin’ hearty, healthy and  contentious, the two arch nemeses, Choco-Choco Chip and Vanilla, decided to truce for the evening in the name of all cupcakes.

V.S.

(Unfortunately, Gangrades Cappuccino Swirl and Lemon Meringue were not able to join them in holy cakerimony that day.)

The calming, pastel-filled atmosphere of Tulu’s Gluten-Free Bakery called to us like a phone to the phoned. As we made our way in, an owl hooted from a nearby cupcake tree.

“Stop that!” Vanilla growled.

The owl showed no remorse.

Aha! Another chance to dance with our friend, the mini-cupcake, eh? Lovely to make your second acquaintance, mes petits. Although, we must say, readers, that while the flavor choice seemed abundant for our miniature friends, the flavor choices for our larger ones left much to be desired. Namely, more flavor choices.

“Where the choco at?!” Choco-Choco Chip foamed. Vanilla snickered to the side. To no one … at all.

After much debate, much hesitation, and much salivation, we decided on our flavors, and prepared for the glorious potlatch* that was about to commence.

Figure this out: Chocolate Vanilla Cream Cheese

(Blur-tastic image brought to you by Hungry Bowels, the makers of the Impatient Gluttons II: Air Force Mach Four.)

A new frosting flavor in our midst! Vanilla + Cream Cheese? That sounds like a Choco-Choco Chip paradox — all the hate of hatred plus all the goodness of Philadelphia? Could this be real?

Indeed it could be, cupcakers. The frosting was miraculous — light, whipped, fresh, but with all the density and soury-sweet goodness that cream cheese lovers adore. Its chocolate base had a nice grit within its overall moistness, adding texture and depth to an otherwise bland cake. The grit absolved the bland in this tale about Chocolate “Precious” Vanilla Cream Cheese Jones — a sweet kid, a little crumbly around the edges, but with a heart of gold and lots of love and encouragement** from her peers. And she’s been off gluten all this whole time.

We double dare you: Vanilla Strawberry

Another new frosting! Tulu’s, Tulu’s, Tulu’s. You crafty, crafty, crafters.

[“Proud to Be an American” musical interlude.]

Light, whipped, and fresh again! This strawberry frosting knew what it was doing. Vanilla argued that the strawberry taste was strong, but this is comin’ from a cake that don’t like no strawberries. For Choco-Choco Chip, the taste wasn’t as strong, and the after-taste left a nice, melony, strawberry-type-o’-feelin’. The base complemented this frosting well — all while being free o’ gluten! In sum: the happy pink frosting matched the happy pink walls which matched our Happy Pink Sentiments.***

Wh-wh-what would you do?: Chocolate Peanut-Butter

And yet another new frosting flavor! Can you say Funtrepeneur of the Century?*****  Nutty, airy frosting, light, earthy consistency — Tulu’s doesn’t try to mask the essence of peanut in this little number. It’s bold, raw, and out there. And very delicious.

(500) Days of: Red Velvet

Upon cutting into this baby******, we realized that, no matter what this tasted like, it was no true red velvet. The color inside resembled more of a rusty iron, if anything.

“If your name was Dustin, would you go by Dusty?”*******

“…………… no.”

Yes. A rusty iron color, indeed.

Wow! What a fantastic texture all around (although not very chocolatey, as we should have expected from mini # 1). But with cake so moist and cream cheese icing so wonderous, this cupcake represented a wonderful example of commensalism — the cake was greatly improved by his cheesier ally, while the cream cheese icing could have probably ran a few solo laps around the ol’ red stumparoo. But all in all, a great take on a classic flavor combination. ********

So, what to conclude? Our experiences with gluten-free cupcake products have not been totally tainted.  Tulu’s Gluten-Free Bakery represented the true combined strengths of frosting and texture, and how a Manhattanite coeliac need not live in a world without cupcakes. For that, friends, is something that we shant even wish upon our greatest enemies.

*(1) A celebration held by some Native Americans, during which the host gives away gifts in accordance with each guest’s social status. The feast may entail destruction of sprinkles and wrappers for rivalry groups. (2) A synonymn for “feast,” re: thefreedictionary.com .

**You get ’em!

***Available for purchase.****

****But not from us.

*****Do not attempt this on Wall Street.

******A PERSONIFICATION.

*******Dusty : Dustin :: Rusty : ________

********Otherwise known as a “cake-take.”

Location:

338 East 11th Street
New York, NY 10003
(212) 777-2227

Hours:

Mon-Thu 10:30am-10pm, Fri-Sat 10:30am-10:30pm, Sun 10:30am-9pm

Average cost of cupcake: $3.00

REVISITED: The Cupcake Cafe.

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Date of excursion: 10.10.09

New addition: Indeed, Cupcake Colleagues! We would like to present you with a new installation to our extensive cupcake-reviewing process — revisitation. We’ll be sporadically revisiting ghosts of cupcakes past in order to provide you with the most up-to-date, representative, and abridged analyses of your favorite (and not-so favorite) treats.
“… Does that place still sell that cupcake?!”
“… Are the prices still the same?!”
“… How has the service changed over the years?!”
Answers to these questions (and more!) in our new “Revisited” series!

***

The Cupcake Cafe, take two, eh? Our stomachs were prepared for what we deemed to be one of the more delicious cupcakes/cupcake-eating atmospheres we’ve encountered in our happy trails.

But we couldn’t just slap a “Revisited” on you without some style.

That’s right, ladies and gentleboys, it is time for the long-awaited, [twelfth of a] feature-length documentary on yours truly: the Cupcake Gang. (Directed by resident Francis Ford Cupcake-ola-expert, Choco-Matzo.*)

“Look at that depth of field!”

(Shut up, Vanilla.)

So we arrived at the Cupcake Cafe (forks ready) and chose our flavors — flavors of which have now come to be known as staples in the Cupcake Community**: chocolate vanilla, chocolate chocolate, vanilla chocolate, and, once again, the sultry stylings of the holy maple walnut.

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A Machiavellian cupcake clerk soured the mood of sweet consumption/filmmaking at once. She may have had good intentions, but her ability to instill fear into a Gang as tough as ours was astounding — so we bowed our heads in sorrow for her disdain for the visual arts (and probably puppies).

“The cahsier was nicer last time,” someone muttered.

He sure was.

And so we sat down at a lovely table (adorned with highly-appropriate rat-rabbit hybrid designs), and began our second take on the Cupcake Cafe.

First in the spotlight***: Chocolate Vanilla.

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Not a bad choice at all, cupcake fans. Cut nicely, and a welcome addition to our previous experiences with bad chocolate vanillas.**** But, then again, even though it was good, it’s still nothing to write Gramma about.

Second up: Vanilla Chocolate.

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That beautiful cut! That icing! That moist cake! That exquisite flower! And the way it just melted in your mouth and —

“Can we eat the next one now?” Lemon Meringue mhehw-ed.***** (The movie lights and Hollywood fame were getting the best of our patience.)

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Third up: Chocolate Chocolate.

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Oh, dear.

This cupcake was twelve different kinds of scary.

“The pollen on the flower looks like bird feces,” Choco-Choco Chip noted.

“It looks more like a coccoon,” Cappuccino Swirl replied.

“…. Lemon Meringue hates snails,” Vanilla added.

And not only was its appearance offsetting, folks. But the taste — oh how it crumbled over everything in sight! How it failed to cohesively blend into a medley of chocolate depth and ecstasy in the mouth! How the icing was just so plum[b] melty! The camera crew almost buckled over in tears at the sight of a cupcake gone so terribly wrong (but they couldn’t, owing to the fact that insurance is costly and does not cover NaCl and lysozyme tear-seepage into equipment).

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We can only hope that you, the Cupcake Craving Public, should never experience the chocolate-squared travesty we experienced at that moment. (And we suppose it’s not completely your fault, Choco-Choco Chip.)

Fourth up: Maple Walnut.

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Oh!******

There are no words.

There are too many words.

No! There are words — “this cupcake is delicious,” to be precise.

We can only thank the Lords of Film (and Cupcakes, of course) that this glorious gift to all of Cupcakedom was documented on film. Still images alone cannot capture its mapley goodness.

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What an informative revisit! Laughter (maple walnut), tears (Machiavelli), and plenty of crumbs (Chocolate Chocolate).

With that said, we hereby extend not just a wonderous, frosting-coated “thank you” to Choco-Matzo and Company for handling our delicate evaluation process with such care, but also a cordial invitation to join the Cupcake Gang on any upcoming journeys through fiery pits of brimstone, soot, and grime — all in the hopes of discovering the best cupcakes in the world (or just New York).

In conclusion:

Look before you leap.

Party hearty.

And eat cupcakes.

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“… we were being filmed?!” Vanilla roared.

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*And his swift n’ sassy crew of cupcake trainees: Tres “the Pinto Bean” Leches, Tiramisu, and Colombian Coffee.

**A prosperous society of peoples just outside of Simsbury, Connecticut.

***Hip and showbizzy diction!

****Vanilla and Choco-Choco chip are rumored to share a cousin — Chocolate Vanilla. Choco-Choco Chip has demanded a cousinternity test.

*****Think of a cat’s face. Think of a sour cat’s face. Think of the type of “meow” it would make. That’s what this noise is.

******One shot?!

Become a Fan of The Cupcake Gang — on Facebook.

The Cupcake Gang is comin’ atchyoo via a popular social networking site — check it out, and get hip and tech-savvy with us!

Become a fan on Facebook.

Butter Lane.

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Date of excursion: 09.07.09

After a horrific misunderstanding over school‘s “in” or “out” status, a blessing in disguise was made, and the Cupcake Gang could once again reunite on sacred New York soil.

And it was there, beneath the blue urban skies, cupcakes were in our ears, and in our eyes.  So to Butter Lane we went.

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And what a glorious Lane it was!  Hip wallpaper!  Frosting shots!  And what’s this?  Choose-your-own-cake-and-frosting combination?  Gadzooks!

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The Gang immediately congregated in front of the Holy Blackboard of Choices.  Kindly Clerk presided as a witness.

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And so the decision process began.  A banana base?!  A four-for-eleven special?!  French chocolate icing?!

“– uh, we’re out of french chocolate icing.”*

… a four-for-eleven special?!  This place was insane!

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After finally constructing our list, we scavenged for seating.  We could foursie a bench, but that would provide minimal face-to-face cupcake discussion.  We could sit outside, but then we’d risk being mobbed by slews of anti-cupcake legions.  So, we opted for the best we could do: the stool and rocking chair in the corner, complete with coffee table accessory.  (And two of us sat on the floor.)

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“Looks effin’ delicious,” everyone said, seemingly in unison.

First up: Chocolate Cream-Cheese (chocolate base, cream-cheese icing)

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“Crumbles.”

Under the steady hands of Dr. Choco-Choco Chip, the chocolate-base cake began to crumble (specifically, into crumbles).  The Gang then doctored* a letter of apology to the family and friends of said butchered base.

“The cream cheese sticks everything together,” Choco-Choco Chip happily noted, whilst consuming the cupcake.

Silence.

“… I feel like God,” Cappuccino Swirl said.

And then that funky*** tune just kept playing.

Next up: Vanilla Coconut (vanilla base, coconut icing)

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Having to switch blades to make the incision in our more vanilla-based base, we realized that whatever chemistry goes on in that Sacred Oven makes vanilla cake crazy-easier to cut than chocolate cake.

“Nice slicin’!” Cappuccino Swirl remarked.  ” … Coconut is crunchy.”

Too delicious for words.

Next up: Chocolate Maple Pecan (chocolate base, maple pecan icing)

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“Uh, hey, are you guys still open?” Rando-Trouser-Travelers said, upon entering the very-much-open establishment.

“We are, indeed, open,” said Kindly Clerk.

Choco-Choco Chip wiped her brow.  The music pace made for a dramatic incision.

After the ceremonial chomp, then came the ceremonial lick o’ fingers.

“So good.”

“This tastes like a Vermont vacation,” Choco-Choco Chip noted.

“What’s that?” Vanilla asked.  “… this is my favorite of cupcake places.”

A good maple pecan can do that to you, Nills.

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A good maple pecan.

The moist pockets of chocolate inside did, indeed, complement the mapley Canadian goodness that was the icing.  And boy, did those pockets sure get under our fingernails.****

Lastly: Vanilla Honey Cinnamon (vanilla base, cinnamon icing with a pool of honey)

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Choco-Choco Chip dipped the wooden dagger into the golden pool of honey, only to be met by the vanquishing powers of the last cupcake standing.  And so our cutting skewer broke.

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Tough love, VHC.   (But no splinters!)

“This tastes like an Eggo Cinnamon Toast waffle,” Choco-Choco Chip noted.

Vanilla agreed, and promptly collapsed onto the floor in joy.

“I mean, it’s not my favorite, but I don’t like that cinnamon kind of spicy taste,” Cappuccino Swirl said.

“Then why’d we get it?!” Vanilla demanded.

Silence.

“… I like waffles.”

So, all in all, Butter Lane proved to be a hip, happenin’, organic, and un-crowded place for a very satisfying cupcake bite on a otherwise not-as-satisfying Labor Day evening.  Perhaps a bit skimpy on the seating arrangements, but our Lemon Meringue begged to differ: “The rocking chair alone makes up for it.”

We entered hungry, and left drunk on deliciousness.

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Butter Lane: in our ears, eyes, and now our stomachs.

*Much appreciated Kindly Clerk!  He [kindly] notified us about this icing’s M.I.A. status amidst the decision-making process, rather than allowing us to finalize our list only to be crushed by the heavy hand of sugary demand.

**Get it?

***Not funky as in “malodorous,” but as in, “it’s got a wank to it.”

****Fun tip: in anticipation of cupcake-ing, one should probably clip one’s fingernails.  Much like when one eats Indian food.

Butter Lane

123 East 7th Street (between 1st Ave and Avenue A)

(212) 677-2880

Average cost of Cupcake: $3.00

Hours:

Mon-Thu 11am-11pm; Fri-Sat 11am-12am; Sun 12pm-10pm

Cupcake Cafe.

Cupcake Cafe

Date of excursion: 2.1.08

It was raining and pouring. The old man was not snoring.

Vanilla and Lemon Meringue trekked with their Zyrtec (TM) umbrellas*; Cappuccino Swirl’s umbrella was red and Choco-Choco Chip’s umbrella was large and unsightly. They were on their way to the Cupcake Café.

[As a side story, Choco-Choco Chip’s greatest fear (aside from ketchup pee) is when her umbrella blows upward.]

Choco-Choco Chip’s umbrella went insane. It blew upward, and exploded.

Inside Cupcake Cafe

Once we arrived at the Cupcake Café, we noted the friendly amalgamation of a children’s book store and a bakery, conveniently decorated for Valentine’s Day. Children adorned one half of the bakery, while the elderly were sprinkled throughout the other half.

We were greeted by the phrase, “Would you like some free brownie samples?” “Indubitably,” we collectively thought. But “Yes,” we collectively replied.

“Well, milk is five dollars. That’s where they get you,” said the man.

We were afraid to laugh, as we do not get the chance to do that often, given the nature of our work. Apparently he was kidding, so we saw a light chortle to be a fitting response.

We purchased cupcakes, and sat down on the border between Children’s Books, USA and Cupcake Land, Mexico. One might think that we could feel the animosity of bitter rivalry and forced adjacency in these two conflicting worlds. On the contrary–we did not. Instead, it was a magical realm of fairytales and transnational harmony.

The first cupcake we undressed (so-called Cupcake One) was a walnut cake with maple icing. The be-flowered cupcake presented a puzzling mixture of flavors during the pre-tasting stage. However, upon the actual tongue-cupcake interface, everyone was pleased (in different ways). The icing had the consistency of chilled butter (the cupcakes are refrigerated!), but tasted like fresh ice cream, while the cake part was more hearty and bread-like.

“It tastes like maple syrup.”

[independently of this statement] “It tastes like PANCAKES.”

It did.

“Walnuts? Protein? Protein? Protein?”

Next, came Cupcake Two: mocha cake, with chocolate icing. Adorned with two purple flowers, this cupcake, like it’s maple counterpart, was dressed for success (until we got to it). The icing had a similar, fanciful taste.

We debated purchasing a third cupcake, and finally, after a [non-threatening] bloody battle between Vanilla and Choco-Choco Chip, Vanilla reigned blows upon Choco-Choco Chip’s head, stepped on it, and ran to the counter in order to request a vanilla cupcake with vanilla icing.

“The flowers [on the cupcake] look like boobs,” Anonymous said.

An unequal cut down the middle led to disaster. “Someone is not going to get pollen,” Choco-Choco Chip stated. No one seemed fazed (it turns out, the Zyrtec (TM) helped all of us avoid allergic reactions to the pollen, too!).

Cupcake Three had the same icing consistency as Cupcakes One and Two. Meaning? Crazy delicious.

We entered the Cupcake Café with high hopes and empty stomachs. We left filled with the hearty bread-like nature of the cupcakes, and the dessert-like airiness of the icing. It was truly a dinner for champions.

Overall:

Cupcake One: Maple Walnut

Cappuccino Swirl: This cupcake was mapley goodness. Cappuccino Swirl was satizfied.

Choco-Choco Chip: It was nutty, but not TOO nutty. It was maple-y, but not TOO maple-y. This is what’s sappenin’. Kazaam!

Lemon Meringue: The icing was the sweet sappiness to my sour.

Vanilla: It’s a muffin. <:)

Cupcake Two: Chocolate Mocha

Cappuccino Swirl: The mocha taste was subtle and smooth. Not as BAM as Cappucino Swirl, but still very jivin’.

Choco-Choco Chip: I completely understand where C2 is coming from. We understand each other. I liken the icing to watching “Space Jam” for the first time–a very positive experience.

Lemon Meringue: It was mocha, but not a bitter coffee.

Vanilla: Huh. I want to go read those children’s books.

Cupcake Three: Vanilla Vanilla

Cappuccino Swirl: The icing was jazzy awesomeness, I would jive with this cupcake anytime.

Choco-Choco Chip: Despite my ongoing feud with Vanilla, I must commit treason against my chocolate brothers. This was the best of the three. It was like dessert, yo.

Lemon Meringue: Cute and yellow. Good.

Vanilla: That’s-a-mah-baby!

*Vanilla, Choco-Choco Chip, and Lemon Meringue went to a Zyrtec (TM)** Paradise in Central Park, one day, based on the false premise of hot chocolate. We did not get hot chocolate, but we sure did get a mouthful of whimsy, free umbrellas, and reggae music.

**Did you know that Zyrtec (TM) is now available over-the-counter?

Cupcake Cafe (two locations):

1) 18 W. 18th St. (between 5th and 6th Ave). 212.465.1530 (We went to this location)

Average cost of cupcake: $3.00

2) 545 9th Ave (between 40th and 41 St.) 212.268.9975

Hours:

1) Sun. 9am-7pm, Mon.-Sat. 8am-8pm

2) Sun. 9am-7pm, Mon.-Fri. 7am-7pm, Sat. 8am-7pm

Magnolia Bakery.

Magnolia Bakery

Date of excursion: 2.14.08

It was nighttime, and our cupcake senses were tingling. After long hours of homework, silence, and solitude in the library, we sent out a text to our beloved Cappuccino Swirl (who could not join us that evening, due to a coffee-related emergency). “Magnolia. 9:42 PM.” Done.

We trekked on a different route to Magnolia. It took approximately three years to reach. But when we did, oh when we did, we were ready to ‘mack on some cupcakes.

Inside Magnolia Bakery

The story behind Magnolia is an interesting one. Two friends started the business years ago, but parted ways. One friend kept Magnolia, and the other made a rivalry bakery– Buttercup Bakery. Magnolia, on the one hand, gained popularity from Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell’s “Lazy Sunday” SNL Digital Short. It was also featured on HBO’s “Sex in the City”, although New York’s “Sex in the City” tour will provide you with Buttercup cupcakes (to eat in front of Magnolia). You could cut that tension with a cupcake knife, or plastic fork, as we like to do it.

Inside Magnolia Bakery

After struggling to purchase our cupcakes through the massive sea of people (as, frequently, the line to Magnolia extends out into the street), and bidding farewell to the Magnolia be-aproned bouncer (yes), we settled ourselves in the park across the street, at one of the quaint chess boards.

Chocolate Chocolate cupcake from Magnolia

Unfortunately, after we undressed our first cupcake (chocolate chocolate), a rivalry gang (we define “gang” in this sentence as a group of people with a common goal to intimidate and/or eat cupcakes) began to bust our chops. “How much did those cost?”, they asked condescendingly. We made no reply. “You just used your American Express card, and said ‘Hey Rico*, keep the change!'” They also mentioned that they had some very nice MySpaces we could look at.**

So as to avoid what would surely have become a street brawl, we decided to pick up our plastic forks, and bounce. We headed over to Cappuccino Swirl and ChocoChoco Chip’s box. The owners of the box gladly accepted our request for a photo.

The

We began to undress the remaining cupcakes. The vanilla icing on Cupcake Two was a pastel green, and the cake was vanilla as well (Vanilla was enthralled). We bit.

Cupcake Two from Magnolia

“This tastes like a Chinese thing I’ve eaten before,” said Lemon Meringue.

Mooncakes?”

We likened Cupcake Two to several things. Cappuccino Swirl compared it to a Betty Crocker mix, while ChocoChoco Chip compared it to Alice from “the Brady Bunch”– wait, no–Cindy from “the Brady Bunch.” “It’s like a big, soft, [panda]. It doesn’t hold up.”

“Do you remember the episode of “the Brady Bunch” with the see-saw contest?

They were trying to see if they could break a record for see-saw-ing, and then this news reporter came to interview Bobby and Cindy… how difficult could that have possibly been?”

“Well, it takes a lot of leg strength…”

“No.”

“Cindy has a lisp.”

Cupcake Two was soon destroyed. We liked “the Brady Bunch” movie.

Cupcake Three was a Valentine’s Day cupcake. It had chocolate cake with vanilla (pink!) icing. Stabbed through the heart of the icing was a plastic heart stick ($0.50– thanks for that post-purchase memo, Magnolia). There was also a sugar heart embedded into the icing. Vanilla ate it. “Eww.”

Cupcake Three was likened to a Barbie cupcake. Not because it was tall, busty, and had an eating disorder, but more so because it was explosively pink.

Cupcake Three from Magnolia

The sugary pink sprinkles intertwined into the swirls of tufted frosting were a nice touch. It was like a hidden surprise in every bite. Alas, there was another hidden surprise–a sub-par chocolate-cake taste. The frosting, thereby, overpowered the cupcake.

Surprise Surprise! Puppy Surprise! You might get one...YOU MIGHT GET EIGHT!

Sugar heart

We tried to compare Cupcake Three to Cupcake One (in that they both had chocolate cake). We concluded that we could not quite remember Cupcake One– most likely due to all the marijuana that was in the air at the time, emanating from the rivalry gang.

[Marijuana interlude: ten minutes. Discussion topics included smell, identification, and awareness.]

Cupcake Four from Magnolia

Cupcake Four had a vanilla cake with chocolate icing (and rainbow dot sprinkles)! We also likened this cupcake to Barbie. Again– Cupcake Four was not a blonde, plastic, woman who was having sexual relations with a man-doll named Ken, but instead looked more like a freeze frame from a Barbie commercial. You know, when she throws the glitter, and the screen flashes “Barbie”, and it says “Barbie.com, but first ask dad or mom.” It’s really clever advertising.

Neither argument was valid.

[“Dibs not”? Or “Nose goes”? Cappuccino Swirl and ChocoChoco chip debate. Are either arguments valid?]

Cappuccino Swirl claims the cupcake was too stale (due to the fact that, at Magnolia, you serve yourself from a tray of cupcakes they, unfortunately, leave by the constantly-opening door).

Lemon Meringue becomes sour during the traditional cake toast. “Your cake is TOUCHING me.”

Overall:

Cupcake One: Chocolate Chocolate

Cappuccino Swirl: Swirly goodness, but not as hip-happening as I thought.

ChocoChoco Chip: That frosting was on the heazy! I wish I could just slurble it. Choco and choco, yo? I likes the sound of that. The cake itself exploded, by the way. Because it was DYNO-MITE. But not actually.

Lemon Meringue: Lots of chocolate… a little bitter, like lemon.

Vanilla: Frosting. And some uneccesary people. Also– bathroom in bar.***

Cupcake Two: Vanilla Vanilla

Cappuccino Swirl: Cake was like Betty Crocker. I felt like I could make this in my easy-bake oven. The frostin’ was pretty jammin’. The color was chillsville green.

ChocoChoco Chip: (Vanilla)^2? It was really like (Vanilla)^(CRAZY). And it was like red vines.

[drew picture of a bottle, a seal, and a chair.]

Lemon Meringue: The cake was yellow but mushy. Green frosting = good times.

Vanilla: Da best.

Cupcake Three: Valentine’s Day

Cappuccino Swirl: Festive, you know I dig the whole pink thing. Nice decoration. Chocolate part totally normal.

ChocoChoco Chip: The chocolate cake, if he were on a playground, would be last week’s cool kid. But he’s not this week’s cool kid. The frosting was this week’s cool kid. But since the week is over, he’s less cool. The kid had heart and soul, though. I gotta say.

Lemon Meringue: Good presentation. Bad holiday.

Vanilla: I ate the heart made of candy.

Cupcake Four: Chocolate Vanilla

Cappuccino Swirl: It was stale.

ChocoChoco Chip: The rainbow sprinkles added the right amount of crunch. The frosting is slippin’ and sloshin’ like a cocoa waterfall.

Lemon Meringue: I know this is the Barbie-looking cupcake, but where’s the Lemon Meringue-looking cupcake?

Vanilla: Done.

*We are in no way associated with the degradation of minorities, as all the members of the Cupcake Gang are minorities themselves. Yes, even Vanilla is a minority. Not that non-minorities are racists. Just thought we’d add this politically-correct insight so as to familiarize you with the Cupcake Gang’s non-threatening threatening exterior.

**As much as Rupert Murdoch looks like a sour-faced old man, Lemon Meringue is philosophically opposed to MySpace.

***Due to the fact that Magnolia does not have a bathroom, Vanilla was forced to go to a bathroom in a local bar. She was wearing her signature, official Cupcake-Gang backpack, and the bar rats were threatened.

Magnolia Bakery (2 locations):

1) Downtown: 401 Bleecker Street (Intersection of 11th Street and Bleecker Street) 212.462.2572 (We went to this location)

Average cost of cupcake: $2.50

2) Uptown: 200 Columbus Avenue (Intersection of 69th Street and Columbus Ave.) 212.724.8101

Hours:

1) Sun. 10am-11:30pm, Mon. 12pm-11:30pm, Tues.-Thurs. 9am-11:30pm, Fri. 9am-12:30am, Sat. 10am-12:30am

2) Sun. 7am-10:30pm, Mon.-Thurs. 7am-11:30pm, Fri.-Sat. 7am-12:30am